As many of you know, I'm engaged. And if you didn't know that, well SURPRISE!
Since I am a fellow addict of Facebook, I can't ignore how many weddings and engagements have happened over the past few months. At least fifty friends and friends of friends have gotten married over this past summer. That is not an exaggeration. If anything, it's an understatement. And I have at least ten friends who are getting married within the next few months. Naturally, whenever I participate in, attend, or see pictures from a friend's wedding, all I can think about is my own. And it's not so much that I start thinking about what colors, flowers, and dress I'm going to have. Or who my bridesmaids are going to be and who I'm going to invite. The thought going through my head in those moments is always "WHEN?"
See, I have this big problem with patience. It's something I always pray for but then I get impatient waiting for patience and well, let's just say God's slowly but surely working in my heart. I mean, I'm sure the work would move along a lot faster if I allowed it to, but that's another problem I have - I'm stubborn. I hate to admit that about myself, but it's true. I'm not very good at the whole submission thing. Poor Jude. Not only do I lack patience concerning the subject of marriage, but I also lack contentment. I look around at all my friends getting married and jealously begins to grow. "Why is it that they've been engaged for a week and they get to get married in two months? Why can't that be me?" I dwell on these questions and before you know it, resentment and frustration have begun to grow in my heart. And then I begin to think about all the ways that I could possibly speed up this waiting process and get my own way. And you wouldn't believe some of the things I come up with.
While on my way to work today, I was praying that the Lord would really help me to depend on Him and not to seek my own way. I began thinking about how, considering our financial circumstance, I really have no idea when the wedding is going to be. I don't even have a date in mind. It's hard to try and look into the future and not even have a clue what's coming next. And this is causing a complete, and humbling, dependence on God. And as I was praying and thinking about all of this, Ecclesiastes 3:11 popped into my head. "He has made all things beautiful in its time". If you pick a flower before it has bloomed, it will never reach it's full potential. You will never see it in all of its beauty. In order for that to happen, you need to allow it to continue to be nourished and grow and it will blossom and be made beautiful in its time.
I realized it's the same with my relationship. God is still growing and preparing us as we wait upon Him. If I try to rush into things and do it my own way, I may miss out on so many blessings. My relationship may never reach its full potential. But I know that if I learn to be content with where I am right now, and I patiently wait upon God, He will make it into a beautiful marriage in His perfect timing.
And let's be honest, I've really got to learn submission before I can get married.
I really hope this speaks to some of you, wherever you are in life. Whether you're in the same, exact situation as I am or whatever it is that you're waiting for....
He has made all things beautiful in its time.
And don't worry if you're as stubborn and impatient as I am. God is faithful to complete the work He has begun in us.
